Life and Times of Sexy Pets

5 things. Bubba-style

2006-01-17T21:48:00.000-05:00

1. i dig to make water come. if i dig at my bowl, water goes in to it! i used to carry around my water bowl, but that was when it was plastic and i could grasp it in my teeth. now, it's a person bowl, and i just can't get it to catch.

2. i hump my brother, fizzy, THE CAT. that's pretty fucking weird.

3. i am a great swiffer. i love to eat miscellaneous hairballs/fuzzballs/dustbunnnies that i hunt throughout my domain.

4. when faced with the choice of cat food and cat box, i unfailingly go with the food. for a dog, that's fucked up.

5. i hump a cat. again. fucking weird.

Gratuitous Bubba Photos

2005-12-12T21:09:00.000-05:00

Dude. I'm fucking cute. that's all you need to know. here, enjoy:

i hear ya.."awwwwww...how cuuuuute". just wait. it gets better:

aside from mommy:

whhhyyy am i not making money on this dog??

here's a few more, just to make every little heart mmmmeeellllttt...

yep.
it ain't easy bein' this good lookin.
BELIEVE ME.

Sexy dog park fun! (with frrrrrrenchies!!)

2005-12-12T20:44:00.000-05:00

holy sheepshit.
i had SO MUCH fun at the dog park on sunday. there are some way badass mothafuckas there. and sometimes they scare me. but there was this one bitch. and i MEAN she was a BITCH.
here, check her ass out yo'damnself:

yeah..that's me runnin as fast as i can after that sweet sweet european ass.

i bagged that bitch. totally..too bad she's fixed or we'd have some FINE ASS babies!!

here's me playin wit some otha bitchez n hoe's...

that bitch wuz only 7 months old! like me! dude...she could totally beat my arse!

here's a pack of WILD bitchez and some badass dudes too..

and here is a TOTAL photo-op, of the caliber only MY MOMMY can produce:

yeah, i know. she's good...all in all that day wuz the shizdizzle for shizzle my nizzle dizzle. so, anytime yo' ass wants a good time? see youz at the dizzle pizzle sundizzle mornizzle..(dog park, sunday morning for those who don't speak JIVE.)

Vogue. Staring Maudonna.

2005-12-11T23:05:00.000-05:00

Recently I had my first photo shoot. Something about Christmas Cards..Who knows, she's fucking crazy, that one with the camera. Always taking pictures. Pyscho.

But who cares, she fed me treats non stop for like an hour straight.

Some highlights:

We started out with the 2 different neck adornments. Fucking McKenzie kept getting in the shot, and those damn things were hot. I don't really like to sweat..It makes me chaff.

So we moved outside for some air and I thought a shot in my THROWN would make a good shot. Again, dumb bitch gets in the way. Finally the one with the camera put her in the bathroom. HAHA. Take that you stupid Paris Hilton wannabe. BTW I had a date with Tinkerbell and she told me that Paris told her to tell me to tell you to fuck off.

This is my "come hither" look. That's how I bag all my dates. I gave this foxy look to Mischa Bartons mut and that little humdinnger was putty in my hands. He won't stop calling me now. Pyscho. This photo got my vote for the Card, but I think she wants something less saucy.

This is my serious "Im a model" look. You know you can't resist. I'm pretty good looking for an overweight rich bastard, don't you think? I'm like Gianni Versace, except I'm not exclusively Gay. I'll make everyone happy. And dude, please don't shoot me. Fucking Psycho's.

At this point I'm just bored. Seriously, the one with the camera had taken like 872 fucking pictures. I was seeing some serious spots and my little tummy was hurting from so many treats.

I'm bored now, with this post, and you. Liven up a little jerk-off. Jeez. People. Pyscho's.

I guess this where I say Happy Fucking Holidays you fucks!

Happy Belated Halloween!!

2005-11-16T19:59:00.000-05:00

Happy Halloween Bitches!! Just a quick note to say Wassssuppp!! I was a dinosaur, because baby..I'm dangerous, step back step back I'll eat you!!

I look fierce don't I?! Whatevs. I'm HOT.

Faggy Maude was Dracula. He wants to suck your Blood. Right, sure he does. He wants to suck something. HAHA Freak!!

Chuan says she was "Soap Scum", but what the hell is that? She should have just gone as a crack whore, she wouldn't have to buy much for a costume.

Bubba vs. McKenzie: Round One

2005-09-19T09:16:00.000-04:00

I went over to visit the other SexyPets this past weekend. Usually everyone is chill, but for some reason McKenzie had a stick up her butt.

The stupid bitch wouldn't let me on the porch. I think she was on the rag or something. She was all hissin' and trying to bite me. Whatever. I'm never going to go over there again. Fizzy doesn't act like that, what a snob.

Here she is again, trying to mess up my grill. This went on for like a half hour. What a pyscho, right?

This little pansy wouldn't get out of the box to help me. What a homo. He said he always hides when she gets in a tussy. I'd tell that bitch what was up. Pansy.

I'm never going over there again. Mama says that when she goes to Vegas I have to stay there. I'll torture those jerk off's like they've never been tortured before. They have NO IDEA what is comin' their way.

Bubba says...

2005-09-15T12:51:00.000-04:00

2005-09-03T15:28:00.000-04:00

Pit Vs. Pug
Pretty darn close, eh?

BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!

2005-09-01T08:00:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Mommy Emily!!!!!!!!

Bubba's Menu

2005-08-19T13:15:00.000-04:00

So far this week i have eaten:
2 of mama's bills; comcast and fpl (she wants to use the my dog ate my power bill excuse)
2 packs of cigarettes
a few receipts
a little paper flower
a pencil
i attempted the remote for the tv but man is plastic hard to destroy!
AND i knocked over an almost full heine...much to mama's dismay..but then i helped her clean up by lapping up the overspillage on the (new) rug...yum..beer..

Dog In Drag.

2005-08-19T10:34:00.000-04:00

OHMYGOD.

I met this dude. Well really, he doesn't talk much, but my god does he smell good. I brought him over to meet my friends, and they were all up in his shizznit.

Later, we got to snuggle, and bump and grind.

*WARNING* GRAPHIC PHOTOS!!

His name is Doug, and the hottest part is that he's not afraid to show his feminine side. He wears women's underwear, and I find that totally hot.

Tomorrow we're going lingerie shopping.

Ooo La La! I'm in Love!!

SexyPets: PreWeekend UpDate

2005-08-10T17:57:00.000-04:00

Sooo..ohmigod. We are all like sooo sorry we haven't updated in like a MILLENIOM.

Everybody is way busy, but I have a few minutes after my HOT workout, so I'll clue you into whats been going on in the SexyPet world.

Bubba: I haven't seen Bubba in while. I overheard my roommate on the phone talking to his Mom, and it sounded like Bubba was getting a little freaky! Missionary Style! Aren't dogs supposed to do it Doggystyle? Yeah.
Well evidently he's a Casinova, and he gives it do his lover the right way. If I weren't a SexxxyHotPussyCat I'd totally ride that Pug Love. Its too bad he's in love with that stupid stuffed bitch. What a ho.

Fizzy: I'm still waiting for that bitch to give me back the $5 I loaned him for a Taxi Cab.

Maude: All this fat bastard does is lay around and sleep. Do you know how lazy he is? He lays down on the floor in front of the food dish *IN EVERYONE ELSE'S WAY*and scoops the food into his lazy dumb mouth. You'll never get a post out of him. Unless we run out of food, then he'll be begging for someone to rescue him. Loser.

Chuan: This little crack whore is constantly up my ass. Everywhere I go, she's falling behind. Look, even when I work out she has to be watching. She always sleeps by me and is always touching me and telling me how hot I am. Duh. I already know I'm hot. I think she just wants to make out with me. Whatever.

We will all try to update Waaaay more. We're sorry from out little Sexy Hearts that we suck so much.

Peace out you Sexy Bitches!

-McKenzie

Bubba barf n' poo!

2005-07-20T14:54:00.000-04:00

man...i feel like CRAP today...my butthole is a veritable sprinkler of liquid poo!! thankfully momma took me to the vet and i'm ok..just got an "intestinal infection"...which means momma spent $150 for virtually NOTHING. and she's pissed! luckily she's not takin it out on me, though..she's being reeeeally nice..guess she feels bad for me...hehe little does she know it's my own retarded pug fault for eating her toilet brush on monday while she was at work!! hahahahahahahbllluuuurrrrrgghghhh ..oh..maybe i shouldn't laugh so hard i make myself vomit. again.

No No No Drama!

2005-07-17T10:46:00.000-04:00

Maude: I could be your baby, you can be my honey Lets spend time not money. I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff, Milky, milky cocoa, Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.

McKenzie: They say I’m really sexy, The boys they wanna sex me. They always standing next to me, Always dancing next to me, Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump. Lookin’ at my lump, lump. U can look but you can’t touch it, If u touch it I’ma start some drama, You don’t want no drama, No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama So don’t pull on my hand boy, You ain’t my man, boy, I’m just tryn’a dance boy, And move my hump.

Step Off Bitches!

In Da Tub

2005-07-16T18:18:00.000-04:00

50 Bent - In Da Tub
Go duckyIt’s your bath dayWe gonna splash you likeIt’s your bath dayWe gonna float your ass just likeIt’s your bath dayBut don’t you even try to runCause it’s your bath dayCan find me in the tubBasin full of sudsWaterGot what I needTo get the dirt goneAin’t into showerin’So I’m putting in the plugDon’t come here with no spongeThis is all about fun(2x)When I roll up in the bathroomIt means I’m gonna do itThe tub is getting’ deepAs the water flows into itBubble bath up in the mixAnd bubbles turning into sudsIf you wanna get up inThen I can probly hook you upNow I’m about to changeClothes off, trunks onSlide into an inner tubeCause I don’t swim without it onWatch how I get inSo you don’t have to fall if you slipHappened to me a couple timesBut I don’t walk with a limpNow I’m in the tub and damnThis bath water too hotSo I’m about to regulateBy adding cold so it’s notAnd holla when the temperatureIs where I like it to be thoughDon’t bring it to no boilBut it don’t be no ice showI’m full of focus manBath toys on my mindI put the ducky in the tubCause he’s the rubber-made kindAnd now I like to splash aroundSo ducky can floatOh no you didn’t touch the drainAin’t ready to goCan find me in the tubBasin full of sudsWaterGot what I needTo get the dirt goneAin’t into showerin’So I’m putting in the plugDon’t come here with no spongeThis is all about fun(2x)My toysMy sudsMy water thingsWithout themBath time’s not the sameMy boatMy squirt gunsSubmarinesAnd my favorite oneRubber Ducky is his nameYou know I love itDon’t nobody hate itSo what you mad?I thought that you’d be happy I’m bathin’I’m that kat from the tubWho be cleanin’ up rightYou that dirty ass hippyWith a filthy back sideBack in the tubNow I’m pumpin’ up the raftIt’s onBut when I realize there ain’t no roomThe raft is goneBut that’s aightWhen you in the tubThere’s plenty to learnAnd now I’m makin bubble creaturesCause I ain’t that concerned.I been up in the tub so longThat it’s time to pick the Dial™ upMy fingers getting prunyAs I watch the lather pile upBut I ain’t finished here, nawAdd a bottle of sudsYou all know where I’m gonna beCan find me in the tubBasin full of sudsWaterGot what I needTo get the dirt goneAin’t into showerin’So I’m putting in the plugDon’t come here with no spongeThis is all about fun.
http://www.jcjordan.com/Tub/TubLyrics.html
I was totally gonna write this, but someone else had already done it WAAAAAYYY better!
We are the sexy pet cousins: Jedi and Tarkin.

(McKenzie)

2005-07-16T13:37:00.000-04:00

OMG! Fendi sucks.

Prada? Thats Hot.

I have a wicked bad headache from sippin' Cristal and from being so damn SEXY!

Thats Hot.

I think I'll go roll around in hundred dollar bills now....

See you later you sexy bitches.

Harps Lager is the beer for me!

2005-07-16T12:25:00.000-04:00

Fine - if momma is gonna leave me here with no toilet paper, at least I can pay Fizzy to fetch me a beer. You know that's all she's got in the fridge: beer, milk, diet green tea, ketchup, mustard, A1 (although I haven't been eatin any steak), and thousand island dressing. At least she's got good taste in liquids!

(Bubba)

2005-07-16T10:27:00.000-04:00

Ok so like...here I am...sitting in this damn bathroom staring at that stupid baby gate...where's momma??? sittin on her butt talkin on the phone and getting paid phat-like. i can only hope that at some point i'll have to pee and i can do it right here on the bathroom floor just to piss her off. maybe there's something i can destroy nearby...no bathmat, no trash, no TOILET PAPER!?!?!
wtf?? that's my faaaaavorite..i loooove to just unrollrollrollroll that fluffly wonderful stuff! yeah. this sucks.

(Bubba)

2005-07-16T00:05:00.000-04:00

Fucking click click click....fucking keyboard sound shit. wtf??? i'm totally like hangin on the couch, not my couch mind you, but a very comfortable couch, and all i hear is click motha fuckin click.... what the hell are they doing in there?? sending hot pics of eachother's asses or something??? i think maybe i should turn the tv up..............

(chuan)

2005-07-16T00:02:00.000-04:00

omfg. i was totally chillin like a villian when these bitches came rushin me with this stupid camera sayin they needed a totally "crackheady" picture of me. what total bullshit. am i just a pawn in their slimy pet-whoreing-out blog scheme? i'm so against this kind of shit.

Breaking the Cherry, Sexy Pet Style!

2005-07-15T23:36:00.000-04:00

Like the sands through the hourglass...these are...the..days..of our lives...

Sexy Pet style....:

Starring....
-Maude--the asexual/bisexual/nonsexual horny beast....you never know what he'll go after!

Not to mention, Bubba, the wonderpug from hell.......:

And Mackenzie the "diva-whore":

And last but not least (well maybe in sanity) the reckless Chuan ("I'm not gonna steal yo' crack beeyotch") :

H-to-tha-Hizzo-F-to-tha-Fizzay! Its none other than mothafuckin' Fizzy!

Now that introductions are through, may we please begin our blog?

2005-06-01T14:31:00.000-04:00